"Happy Birf-day to me!! Ya'll I am 26, which is middle-aged!! But don't worry, I'm not gonna go through some freak-out like my daddy did, drivin' all crazy in a fancy sports car and gettin' nasty hairplugs. Oh...."
"And P.S. I am totally not pregnant. Like, 65% not pregnant. Everyone knows 65% is a D, so if I took a pregnancy test, I would totally pass it."
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