We've got a real-life Robin Hood on our hands: Stealing from the rich, giving to...his drug dealer. According to the New York Post, Kirsten Dunst was the recent victim of a burglary when two upstanding members of society broke into the PENTHOUSE (good to know all that money and privilege goes toward competent security) of the SoHo Grand Hotel early the morning of August 9th (we're just now hearing about it?), after she had left to film scenes on her latest film. They made off with several zillion-dollar handbags, $2,500 cash, credit cards, IDs, a cell phone, cameras, and an iPod. Caught on video surveillance, authorities arrested one suspect earlier this week at Brooklyn Supreme Court, where he was facing pending heroin-sale charges. A majority of the stolen items have since been recovered.
Now I would rarely wish anyone harm, but anyone who knows me well is aware of my...regard for Ms. Dunst. I just...ugh, have a substantial distaste for her. And it has nothing to do with Jake Gyllenhaal, though even if its true she was nothing more than his beard, it is substantially farther than I will ever hope to get with him before I die. Either way, though, it still sucks being burgled.
One thing they most definitely did not make off with were her bras, because homegirl obviously has not worn one in five years. It would be like going on a panty raid at Britney Spears' house. I get the whole free to be you and me, comfortable, au naturale look. But sometimes certain breasts just scream out for support. And lady, yours have been crying for help louder than Britney's babies. Did Gwyneth Paltrow's eye-scarring Oscar ensemble teach you nothing??
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