Everyone's favorite waste-of-space, oil heir Jason Davis, is apparently having his pipeline shut off. According to Page Six, Jason (affectionately known as "Gummi Bear") and his equally despicable (though less Reubenesque) brother, Brandon (affectionately known as "Fat Elvis") have finally been cut off by the family. Getting any good ideas, Grandpa Hilton? They've resorted to "cashing checks in small amounts" around Hollywood.
Now, Brandon is most famous for his infamous "Firecrotch" rant during which, among other things, he accuses Lindsay Lohan of being poor since she's only worth "about seven million [dollars]." So I'm wondering just how small are these check amounts? Until I see one of them crying at the Jewel checkout because his $6.99 check for a sixer of Zima won't clear, I'll sleep at night knowing their livelihood is not in jeopardy.
Additionally, I don't think I'll be referring to Jason as "Gummi Bear." Gummi Bears are a delicious confection, not to mention an endearing Disney animated series. So I'd rather not associate that term with someone who embodies at least five of the seven deadly sins. Besides, I think "Fat Elton" is far more appropriate. It keeps the bloated musician theme in the family, and he is the spitting image of Horatio Sanz's SNL embodiment of Elton John.
Speaking of Horatio Sanz (I know, I'm all over the place on this one, suck it up), as far as Jimmy Fallon potentially taking over Conan O'Brien's time slot, the ONLY way it would work is if Horatio plays Andy Richter to Jimmy's Conan. Jimmy forgetting his lines and giggling like a 10 year-old girl is only endearing if Horatio is there to giggle with him.
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