King Douche

Dane Cook is a giant douche whose very existence is nauseating. Ok sorry, I just saw a commercial for Good Luck Chuck and had to get that out of my system. Take a look at this dude instead. Cheers.

Money Can't Buy Taste

Mr. Blackwell's annual Best and Worst Dressed Lists are out, and the Worst this year is Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham. That makes her a winner, because if you ask me, people only care about the Worst Dressed. The Best list is usually one giant snoozefest. Any list Katie Holmes makes is about as exciting as a Freddie Prinze, Jr. film festival.

To be fair, Posh would probably be taken off the list if she'd get those silicone tumors she calls breasts removed.

Ripped From The Headlines

In keeping with the Law & Order commentary, I think I've figured out why I can't get enough of the Britney news. This whole child custody/substance abuse/mental illness is like the longest "Ripped From The Headlines" episode of Law & Order: SVU ever. I swear all you need is Ice-T and the "ching-ching!"

Watch This: Law & Order

I don't know if I'm just in withdrawal from the writers' strike, but the new Law and Order is pretty damn good. Usually SVU is the only one that keeps my interest, but the new cast members have really breathed new life into the show. That hot piece Jeremy Sisto (for those of you from my generation, Elton from Clueless) is one of the new detectives, and its nice to see they broke with the formula of always having a detective that's five minutes away from a heart attack or retirement, whichever comes first. The new A.D.A. is also younger and rebellious, having an almost father-son chemistry with Sam Waterston. Waterston, whose character Jack McCoy was promoted to District Attorney, replaced windbag presidential candidate Fred Thompson. Speaking of which, Fred Thompson is only 65?!! I figured him well into his mid-70s.

Future Ex-Husband For Friday, December 7th

Bill Hader

Eight Crazy Nights

To all my Chosen People out there, Happy Hanukkah!! Although I'm not part of the Jew-Crew, considering I went to a Jewish preschool, I'd say that puts me somewhere between Madonna and Tori Spelling.

And for all those trying to live Green, Al Gore would like you to try and cut back to five nights of light instead of eight.

View Askew

The View has become the place where logic and common intelligence come to die. Just when I thought they couldn't sink any lower, Sherri Shepherd decided to bless the world with her vast knowledge of ancient history, expanding earlier on her revelation that the world may possibly be flat.

Who in the hell knows how, but the ladies got into a discussion involving the Greek philosopher Epicurus, who lived from 341 - 270 B.C. The best way to explain what happened next is just to show you a transcript:

Whoopi Goldberg: Keep in mind probably when he was around there was no Jesus going on.
Sherri Shepherd: No, they had Christians back then...They had Christians, they threw the to the lions.
Whoopi: I think this might predate that.
Joy Behar: They believed in polytheism.
Sherri: I don't think anything predated Christians.
Joy: No, the ancient Greeks were earlier. It went Greeks, Romans, then Christians.
Sherri: Jesus came first before them.
Whoopi: Not on paper.

Now, I can handle this kind of aggressive ignorance from a 5th grader, but a thirtysomething with children? She most likely thinks dinosaurs are fictional creatures created by the godless Jew Steven Spielberg. Gotta love "Midwestern values." (Sherri is from Chicago) Ugh, and people wonder why I'm so disillusioned by organized religion.